[BUZZING]
[GULLS SQUAWKING]
MAN: [WITH SCOTTISH ACCENT] I was Flint's first mate that voyage,
three days east of Tortola in the Caribie.
Flint knew an island.
That's where we buried the treasure.
Gold and blood, they were Flint's trademarks.
He'd leave both behind him that day.
Shiver my timbers shiver my soul
Yo ho, heave ho
There are men whose hearts are as black as coal
Yo ho, heave ho
And they sailed their ship 'cross the ocean blue
A bloodthirsty captain and a cutthroat crew
It's as dark a tale as was ever told
Of the lust for treasure and the love of gold
Shiver my timbers shiver my sides
Yo ho, heave ho
There are hungers as strong as the winds and tides
Yo ho, heave ho
And those buccaneers drown their sins in rum
The devil himself would have to call them scum
Every man aboard would have killed his mate
For a bag of guineas or a piece of eight
A piece of eight
- A piece of eight - A five six seven eight
Hulla wacka, ulla wacka something not right
Many wicked icky things gonna happen tonight
Hulla wacka, moo/ah wacka sailor man beware
When de money in de ground dere's murder in de air
Murder in the air
One more time now.
Shiver my timbers shiver my bones
Yo ho, heave ho
There are secrets that sleep with old Davy Jones
Yo ho, heave ho
When the mainsail's set and the anchor's weighed
There's no turning back from any course that's laid
And when greed and villainy sail the sea
You can bet your boots there'll be treachery
[LAUGHING]
Shiver my timbers shiver my sails
Dead men tell no tales
[GUNSHOTS]
MAN: [WITH SCOTTISH ACCENT] Oh, aye.
Fifteen men went ashore that day,
and only Flint, his own self, returned.
Oh, aye, and then old Flinty
up and died afore they could get back to that cursed island
and dig up the treasure.
No one knows to this day who has old Flint's map.
ALL: Now, isn't that a story worth the hearing?
It was the first dozen times we heard it.
I'll drink to that. [CHUCKLES]
But who has the map now, huh?
Some black-hearted, squid-suckin' buccaneer?
Or maybe it's our very own Jim Hawkins.
Eh, Jimmy?
If I had it, my friends and I
wouldn't be here serving you rum, Mr. Bones.
That's right. We'd be out searching for that treasure,
sailing the seven seas on a five-year mission,
boldly going where no man has gone before.
- Say, that's catchy. - Huh. Not me.
[CHUCKLES] If I had that treasure map, I'd be tradin' it for a decent meal.
Hey, Gonzo, you think he's gonna eat this?
Aye! Beware the one-legged man! He's the one to fear!
Don't worry, Captain. We'll watch for him.
Yeah, I'll watch for him... If he's deliverin' a pizza.
[LAUGHING] om
Even old Flinty feared him.
If he comes pokin' 'round here, you run for me whippety-quick!
- If we see him, we'll tell you. - Yeah. One leg, three heads,
couple of dozen noses, if anything weird happens...
And it'll be nay jokin' matter, hose nose.
The one-legged man brings death.
WOMAN: Time, gentlemen!
- Closing time! - [ALL GROANING]
Ya pays your bills, and then ya shove off.
- Go on, out ya go! - [MOOING]
[GROANS, SIGHS]
- You're drunk again, are ya? - [MOOS]
Boys, look at the state of this place!
How comes it gets to be such a pigsty, huh?
Pigsty? Hey!
No offense meant, gentlemen, sirs. No offense meant.
- Here's to you, boys! - WOMAN: Time!
- I'm away to my room. - PATRON: Thank you, Mr. Bones.
GONZO: Thank you, Bill. WOMAN: There you go! Don't forget
to come back tomorrow for our lunchtime special.
- Roast suckling... - TOGETHER: Huh?
Potatoes, sir.
- [CHUCKLING] Potatoes. - Oh. All right.
- No... No offense, madam. No offense. - Ha!
[GROWLS]
All right, boys.
[RASPBERRY]
When you're finished here, you can go and clean up in the kitchen.
I left some table scraps in there for your supper.
Oh, yes, and boys,
last night you forgot to put out the lantern!
If you forget that again, there'll be no table scraps for a week!
[GROWLS]
GONZO: [GRUNTING] You're standing on my ear.
Easy. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy, Rizzo!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
That's it. Steady.
- I hate my life. - I hate your life too.
If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I should just run off to sea like my father did.
He was my age when he sailed to China as a cabin boy.
He wound up a first mate.
Run off to sea and just leave everybody?
Who's everybody? I'm an orphan. I've got no family.
- Hey, you got us! - Yeah, we're family. Ah, got it.
- Whoa! om - om
Ow!
[BOTH GROANING]
I mean, some family we are.
Be serious, Rizzo. We don't exactly look alike.
Okay, all right. So I'm a rat and you're a human being
- and Gonzo's a, uh... - Uh, whatever.
Yeah. I mean, we're still... We're still family.
Yeah. Yeah, but I wish my life were more like
one of Captain Bones' adventures,
sailing the high seas and searching for buried treasure.
Yeah, discovering lost islands and weird civilizations.
Navigating with my father's old compass
to wherever the wind may take us.
Off to Zanzibar to meet the Zanzibarbarians.
Here they go again.
To the southwest, pirate galleons!
To the southeast, multi-armed Zanzibanian shark women
and their exploding wigs of death!
WOMAN: To the northwest, dirty dishes!
How does she do that?
- Might as well start. I'll wash. - Yeah. I'll dry.
GONZO: I'll break.
I look around here and I want to cry
- Ah, me too. - Yeah.
I feel like the world is passing me by
Hey, hey, hey!
It is.
And I just can't help but wonder
Am I doomed to wash and dry
and is it a curse I'm under to do it 'till die
- Oh, I hope not. - Yeah.
When I could be an explorer
Sure ya could.
Sailing off to distant lands
Not so fast.
Instead of spending every afternoon
just getting dishpan hands
My future looks like nowhere that I want to be
There's gotta be something better
Something better
There's gotta be something better than this for me
Well, now you're talkin'!
If it's weird and wild let's go and find it
[LAUGHING]
The crazier, the better is what I say
Yeah, that's true. [CHUCKLES]
To tell the truth I really wouldn't mind it
Mind what?
If we found someplace with 10 square meals a day
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
Let danger call my name
If it does I'm gonna hide
I'll put my courage to the test
And I'll be by your side
He'll be by your side
There's gotta be something better than this
- Something more than this - I know that there's so much out there
- To see - To see
And I know this life I'm living
Can't be my destiny
There's gotta be something better
Something better
There's gotta be something better than this for me
- And me! - Wait a minute. What about me?
There's something better than this for you and
Me
Enough of this singin'!
Rum! I need rum, lads!
I got the horrors! Give me rum!
- [SHOUTS] - Rum 'til I float!
All right! All right! Just one small one.
WOMAN: Don't be giving him anymore rum!
How does she bloody do that?
- [CLANKING] - Shh! Shh!
[KNOCKING]
[LAUGHING] Billy Bones!
It's me, Blind Pew.
I know you're here, Billy.
Oh! Ah!
Ya sniveling coward!
It's some kind of a blind fiend.
I believe they prefer "visually challenged fiend."
Ah! I heard that! There's someone here!
Ooh! Uh, no.
Over here!
[GROWLS] Hmm, over here.
[CHUCKLING]
- [TRUMPETS] - [LAUGHING]
Billy Bones! Ah, I'd know that scurvy mug of yours anywhere.
- [TRUMPETING] - Excuse me, sir, but the bar is closed.
- Oh-ho! - [GRUNTS] Ah!
Aha! A pretty little girl, is it?
Yes. Take me to Billy Bones, my pet.
JIM: [STAMMERING] You've come to the wrong place.
There's no Billy Bones here, and I'm not a girl.
Oh, I may be visually challenged, but I can see you're lying.
Huh?
[SHRIEKING]
Good evening, Bill.
I know it's you.
Yes. You thought you could get away with it, didn't you?
Just take it all for yourself
and leave your shipmates with nothing.
[SIGHS] We're not pleased with that, Bill. Not at all.
We want you to have this!
[LAUGHING]
Oh! Ah! Oh-ho-ho!
Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
Oh! Oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
[CLEARING THROAT]
[CAT SCREECHES]
Watch where you're going, you stupid cat!
The black spot!
[SCREAMS]
But I don't understand. What is the black spot?
The black spot's a pirate's death sentence!
- Whoa! - Fabulous.
They'll be comin' to kill me tonight!
- RIZZO: We'd better help. - Yeah, let's get some stuff.
It's my old sea chest them lubbers are after!
Underwear.
But I'll trick them! I'll shake out another reef and daddle 'em again!
You wanna run that by us again in English, Mr. Bones?
It's mine! I'm goin' for that treasure myself!
And no one-legged son of a bilge rat will...
[GAGGING]
Captain Bones!
He died? And this is supposed to be a kids' movie.
- Oh. - Oh.
Jimmy. Jim. Jimmy, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.
You always been a decent sort to old Billy Bones.
But I'm not Jimmy, Jim, Jimmy, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.
He's Jimmy, Jim, Jimmy, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.
- Jim! - Yes, Captain.
Jim, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.
- Yes, Captain. What is it? - Take the map!
- What map? - The map to old Flint's treasure!
Don't ya understand what I been tellin' ya?
I was Flinty's first mate! We all were! Blind Pew and me!
Ah, me own shipmates, they'll gully me for sure!
And anybody else to get their mitts on that map!
[STAMMERING] And gullying hurts, right?
- Oh, aye! A lot! - [WHIMPERING]
So quick! Go to my sea chest! Get the map!
- Oh - Oh, yeah!
- [GRUNTING] Oh! - Oh, there. There.
Oh, I think I've... Oh, no.
- Hey, guys, look! - Rizzo!
[LAUGHS]
- Oh, here! How about this? - Let's see.
- [GRUNTS] - Oh.
- [GRUNTING] Whoops. - [GRUNTING]
- Hey, Rizzo, look. - [GASPS] Oh.
- It is a treasure map. - We're gonna be rich.
We're gonna be dead.
- Beware, lads! - [BOTH SCREAM]
Beware!
- What? The one-legged man? - Aye! But also,
beware runnin' with scissors or any other pointy objects.
It's all good fun 'til somebody loses an...
[GROANS]
Captain?
[GULPS]
We're standing in a room with a dead guy!
- [BOTH SCREAMING] - [SCREAMING]
Jim! Ah!
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
- [GLASS SHATTERS] - [SCREAMING CONTINUES]
- [ALL GROWL] - [WHIMPERING]
Oh, Billy Bones! Trick or treat!
[LAUGHING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
Don't try to hide, Billy! You know what we want!
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
- [GROWLS] - [PIRATES SHOUTING]
Where are ya, Billy Bones? Where are ya, Billy?
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
JIM: [POUNDING ON DOOR] Mrs. Bluveridge!
There's no use in hiding!
[GROWLS]
JIM: Please! Please!
Can't a woman get her beauty sleep anymore?
- [GLASS SHATTERS] - Ooh! Jim, what you doing?
Aha! Aha! Ah? Oh!
Voila!
[LAUGHS]
[CHIMES RINGING]
- Okay, okay. I found the gun. Okay. - Oh, now we gotta load it.
- [GRUNTING] Oops. - [GRUNTING]
[SNEEZES]
Okay, where does Mrs. Bluveridge keep the bullets?
- [ALL GROWLING] - Billy's dead,
and he hasn't got the bloody map!
[SNARLS]
- Those little girls must have it. - Yeah!
- Get them! - ALL: Yeah!
- Gonzo! Gonzo! - What? What?
I found the bullets. See? Here they are. They...
- Oops. - [ALL SNARL]
Open up in there! We wants the map, and we'll skewer anybody
who gets in the way!
Quick, Jim! The back stairs!
[PIRATES SHOUTING]
Come on.
Run! Run!
- [GUNSHOTS] - Ooh!
[ALL SNARLING, LAUGHING]
[GROWLS]
Get out of my inn, you tattooed miseries!
[ALL SHOUTING, GRUNTING]
Can't a woman get a night's sleep alone?
- You come here, you! - [GIBBERING]
This gun is useless!
- You lost all the bullets! - Well, you're losin' the powder.
- [BOTH SCREAM] - The map!
Tell us where it is or die!
- [BOTH SCREAMING] - BLACK DOG: Get them!
- [SCREAMING CONTINUES] - Run! Run, run, run!
[SCREAMS]
PIRATES: Hurry! Hurry!
[ALL SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
No! Outta the way! Get outta the way!
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
Stop!
Oh, woof.
[SCREAMS]
Ow!
- [EXPLOSION] - GONZO: Ah! Geronimo!
- [GRUNTS] - Guys!
- Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! - Wow! What an exit!
- Right through a brick wall! - I am in such pain.
- Come on! - [EXPLOSION]
- I think I smell something burning, no? - [PIRATES SHOUTING]
What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?
- We can't go home, so... - [SHOUTING CONTINUES]
- Ooh. - Oh, no! Uh-uh!
No way! You're not takin' me on some crazy treasure hunt!
- I am staying right here! - Oh, good idea, Rizzo.
Then you can see what half-burned, vicious pirates look like.
What are we waitin' for?
- Gimme that map. Let's go. - [LAUGHING]
Wait a minute. What about Mrs. Bluveridge?
[MRS. BLUVERIDGE SNARLS]
[GROANING]
- I'll be fine, boys! Run for it! - [GROANS]
ALL: How does she do that?
- [SCREAMING] - Who's gonna clean all this up?
Two for a penny, sir?
- I don't want a baked potato. - Lovely hot baked potatoes!
- Basted with butter! - [YAWNS]
- Oh, let's see. - Oh, what a night.
There it is!
BOTH: Huh? Oh!
"Trelawney and Son, Master Ship Builders."
[PANTING]
Whoa, whoa! Reality check here, guys!
Do we actually believe some bozo's gonna give us a ship
just because we show him Captain Bones' map?
- It's worth a try, Rizzo. - [DOOR OPENS]
I don't know.
May I help you?
Yes. Thank you. We wish to speak with Squire Trelawney, the ship builder.
- We need a ship. - Ah, I'm sorry.
The Squire's in Long Neddry for the grouse season.
He will return on the feast of St. Lulu.
- Thank you. - That's that.
Of course, his rich,
half-wit son young Squire Trelawney's here.
- [CHUCKLING] - We'll see him, then.
[RIZZO AND GONZO CHUCKLING]
Well, gentlemen,
this is definitely a genuine, bona fide treasure map.
- Oh! - Really!
Oh, yes. Mr. Bimbo told me so.
Oh, Mr. Bimbo lives in my finger.
He's very smart. He's been to the moon.
Thank you. Twice.
- I smell a bozo. - Mmm-hmm.
- [EXPLOSION] - [SCREAMS]
- [SQUEAKING] Ooh! - [CHUCKLING]
[COUGHING] Well done, Beakie.
- [SQUEAKING] - [BLOWING]
Now we know that is definitely too much gunpowder.
- [SQUEAKING] - [CHUCKLING]
Beaker, stop fooling around.
We've got company.
[MOANS]
Oh, hello, chappies. Everyone, this is Dr. Livesey and his assistant, Beaker.
They do research and development for my papa.
Hello.
Actually, Squire, we were hoping to meet your father.
- We need a ship for an ocean voyage. - Ocean? Ocean.
- Ocean? - You know, the ocean?
Uh, the big, blue, wet thing?
Oh!
[STAMMERING] The big, blue, wet thing! Yes!
Say, I know what's happening here.
You chaps are planning to sail to this island, aren't you?
- To dig up this treasure. - Yes, but we must be quiet about it.
- There are pirates looking for this map. - And they wanna kill us for it.
Isn't that exciting?
Pirates, eh? Well, that settles it.
We'll use one of my daddy's boats,
and I will personally finance the voyage for the treasure myself.
You'll do that! Really?
Certainly. What are rich, half-wit sons for?
Well, here's the dock. Jim, where's our boat?
We're on a dock? No wonder I'm seasick.
- Ahoy! - Ah, morning, Squire.
Welcome. Welcome. Ah, there she is.
The Hispaniola.
[ALL GASP IN AWE]
RIZZO: Wow! Whoo-hoo!
Come on, let's go!
GONZO: Yeah, let's go.
- "Take a cruise," you said. - Huh?
- "See the world," you said. - Huh?
Now here we are stuck on the front of this stupid ship.
Well, it could be worse. We could be stuck in the audience.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Well, Mr. Bimbo,
the ship is provisioned, the crew is in place,
and the Captain should be on board within the hour.
You have been a busy little man.
Ugh.
- Look, there goes Jim. - Oh, yeah, yeah.
[GRUNTING] Ooh! Ooh, look!
It's the boat steering thing.
- This is called the helm. - Ah.
Hey, how does it feel, Captain Hawkins?
Feels like we're really doing it.
It feels like we're finally having an adventure!
Yeah. I'm starvin'. Where's the kitchen?
[GRUNTS]
MAN: Heigh ho and up she rises
Something smells good.
Heigh ho and up she rises
Cool.
Heigh ho and up she rises
early in the morning
Put him in the longboat until he's sober
Put him in the longboat 'til he's sober
- early in the morning - [CLEARING THROAT]
- What have we here? Stowaways! - [ALL GASP]
I'm afraid we shish-kebab and barbecue stowaways on this ship.
- [WHIMPERING] - [SNARLS]
- [LAUGHING] - [LAUGHING]
Wait, I know. You must be the cabin boys.
- Yeah. - Hungry, lads?
Ha! Well, in my galley, you're always welcome to help yourselves!
Yes! Thank you!
[LAUGHING]
Yahoo!
[LAUGHING]
Oh, yes!
[GOBBLING]
Well, he's got a healthy appetite. How about you, funny face?
- Huh? - Here.
Hey. Thank you.
My name is Gonzo, and the guy in your chicken is Rizzo.
- [GOBBLING CONTINUES] - Yo!
- And you must be Master Hawkins. - Yes, sir.
Oh, you needn't be callin' a lowly ship's cook "sir."
Long John Silver, at your humble service.
Well, we're just cabin boys, Mr. Silver.
Long John to his friends.
And believe me, lad,
a friend you can trust is worth his weight in gold.
There's many a dark-hearted scoundrel in these ports.
Well, what do you mean? Pirates?
- Shh! - Pirates! Oh-ho-ho! That's rich!
Pirates? What an imagination. Give me a cracker.
Allow me to introduce my pet lobster Polly.
Pieces of eight! Pieces of eight!
[SQUAWKS, WHISTLES]
Raised him from a fingerling, I did.
As fine a crustacean as a man could ask for.
[CHUCKLES]
But I thought sailors had talking parrots as pets.
Talking parrots?
Heh! What an imagination. First pirates, now talking parrots?
What's next? A singing, dancing mouse with his own amusement park?
Whoo-hoo!
That's enough now, Polly. Go on! Shoo!
[CRASHING, POLLY SQUAWKS]
Right, me hearties, I'm gonna give you a cook's tour of this fine ship.
[GROANS] If you're gonna be the cook on this ship, Mr. Silver,
I am definitely gonna need bigger pants.
[LAUGHING]
[BOTH GASP]
What's the matter, lads?
Oh, that?
Lost that timber-fighting brigands off Madagascar under Admiral Hawke.
There's many a man lost a leg and worse in the service of the king.
Why, look what a cannibal took off me
in exchange for me own life.
[LAUGHING]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Oh, you're a fine pair, lads. That you are.
Bright as buttons, the lot of ye.
- [BELL RINGING] - MAN: All hands on deck!
Come on, then, lads.
Chop, chop. Look lively now. The Captain will be here soon.
[CREW CHATTERING, SHOUTING]
Chop, chop!
- Ooh. - Who's that?
SQUIRE: Oh, that is Mr. Arrow, the first mate, a capital fellow.
- [TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYS] - [GASPS]
The Captain approaches.
- [HONKING] - [NEIGHS]
Move aside! Make way! Make ready for the Captain!
Lollygaggers will suffer his wrath!
Wrath? Is this captain bad-tempered?
Is he bad-tempered? The man is a raging volcano
tormented by inner demons the likes of which mere mortals cannot fathom.
He's got demons? Cool!
[CLUCKING]
[WHINNIES]
[TOWNSPEOPLE SHOUTING]
[SCREAMS] Maniac!
- [PEOPLE SHOUTING, SCREAMING] - [HONKING]
[GRUNTING]
ALL: Ooh.
Heigh-ho, everyone.
- What... That... - That's the raging volcano?
- JIM: He's a frog! - Maybe he gets hopping mad.
Hopping mad!
- [LAUGHING] - [LAUGHING, SIGHS]
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
Piping aboard Captain Abraham Smollett.
Good day, Mr. Arrow.
Hmm.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Ah, I knew it. He's furious.
- Ah, you there! - Me?
You were in charge of railing dust.
Thirty lashes and then you walk the plank.
I didn't say that, Mr. Arrow.
I was anticipating your whim, sir. Humph.
Oh. You must be the cabin boys.
- Uh, yes, sir! - Which one of you is Hawkins?
I am, sir.
I knew your father, Jim. He was a good man.
Thank you, sir.
Well, this is shapin' up
- to be a fine voyage, lads. - Mmm.
Oh, yes, indeed.
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
Uh, one leg, Jim. Count 'em. One.
Remember what Billy Bones said.
Oh, Gonzo, he seems all right.
I mean, Long John's only a cook. How dangerous could he be?
Well, I don't know, but I...
Wait a minute. Where's Rizzo?
Enjoy your cruise, sir. Next!
All right, folks, have your checks made out to "rat tours limited."
Remember, we put the rat in "pirate."
- [TOURISTS CHATTERING] - Ooh.
Why, thank you, Mr. Plagueman. Next!
- Rizzo, what are you doing? - What? Oh, this.
Well, I figure if the treasure map's a dud,
the trip won't be a total loss financially speaking.
Ah, the wind seems to be freshening.
The tide is with us. Mr. Arrow, this voyage has begun.
This voyage has begun! Raise the gangplank!
- Right, lads! - Let go forward line!
Let go aft line. Hard to starboard.
Any man caught dawdling will be shot on sight.
- I didn't say that. - I was just paraphrasing.
- Uh, Mr. Arrow, just set the sails. - Set the sails!
TOURIST: Hey, where's my camera?
- I'll miss you! - We'll send postcards!
- Good-bye! - Good-bye!
When the course is laid and the anchor's weighed
a sailor's blood begins racing
With our hearts unbound and our flag unfurled
We're underway and off to see the world
Underway and off to see the world
Heave ho, we'll go
Anywhere the wind is blowing
Manly men are we
Sailing for adventure on the deep blue sea
Safely now, Mr. Silver. Let's not get sloppy just because we're singing.
[LAUGHING] Aye, aye, sir!
Danger walks on deck we say what the heck
We laugh at the perils we're facing
Every storm we ride is its own reward
And people die by fallin' overboard
[WAVE CRASHES]
People die by falling overboard
Heigh ho, we'll go
Anywhere the wind is blowing
Hoist the sails and sing
Sailing for adventure on the big blue wet thing
I love to see 'em cry when they walk the plank
I prefer to cut a throat
I love to hang 'em high and watch their little feet
try to walk in the air while their faces turn blue
Just kidding. [CHUCKLES]
It's a good life on a boat
There are distant lands with burning sands
that call across the oceans
There are bingo games every fun-filled day
And margaritas at the midnight buffet
Margaritas at the midnight buffet
Heigh ho, we'll go
Anywhere the wind is blowing
Should have took a train
Sailing for adventure on the bounding main
The salty breezes whisper
who knows what lies ahead
I just know I was born to lead
the life my father led
The stars will be our compass
wherever we may roam
And our mates will always be
just like a family
And though we may put into port
the sea is always home
All right, Mr. Bimbo. I didn't know you had such a good singing voice.
You're welcome.
We'll chase our dreams standing on our own
Over the horizon to the great unknown
Heigh ho, we'll go
Anywhere the wind is blowing
Bold and brave and free
Sailing for adventure
It's so nauseating!
Sailing for adventure
So exhilarating!
Sailing for adventure
We're all celebrating!
On the deep blue sea
- Hoo-hoo-hoo! - Ahoy!
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
Roll call!
Long John Silver?
- Aye, aye, sir! - Short Stack Stevens?
- Aye! - One-eyed Jack?
- Aye. - Black Eyed Pea.
- Yeah. - Wall-eyed Pike.
Aye.
- Polly Lobster. - [SQUAWKS, WHISTLES]
- Mad Monty. - Aye.
- Sweetums. - Aye.
[GULPS]
- Old Tom. - Aye-aye.
- Real Old Tom. - Aye.
- Dead Tom? - Aye, aye.
- [SHIVERING] - Cool.
- Clueless Morgan? - Huh?
Headless Bill.
Big-fat-ugly-bug-face-baby-eating O'Brien?
- [DEEP VOICE] Aye. - [GASPS]
[CLEARING THROAT]
Angel Marie.
Ave. aye.
Hmm. Hmm.
Hmm. Ah. Uh, uh.
Gentlemen, may I see you in my cabin?
- [GASPS] Mmm-hmm. Oh. - Immediately?
Who hired this crew? This is undoubtedly the seediest bunch
of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I have ever seen!
So who hired 'em? [PANTING]
Your finger hired the crew?
No, that's silly. The man who lives in my finger hired the crew, Mr. Bimbo.
What? Ah!
Yeah, he relied heavily on the advice of our excellent cook Long John Silver.
[WHIMPERS] A cook?
And a guy who lives in a bear's finger?
Exactly!
[BOTH GROAN]
Hmm. I'm starting to worry about this voyage.
Mmm-hmm.
Uh, Jim, I know Billy Bones gave you
the treasure map, but I hope you'll give it to me for safekeeping.
I'll be careful with it, sir.
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
Beggin' your pardon, gentlemen,
but I've come with a bit of a treat for you.
'Tis my very own best brandy,
laid down by the brothers of Buckfast Abbey,
vintage 1737,
to toast to a prosperous voyage.
- Oh, spiffy. - I'm sorry, Mr. Silver, but I'm not
going to allow drinking on this voyage.
- Oh, well, rules are rules. - Oh, but, sir,
'tis a tradition for the officers to toast to the success of a voyage.
Ah, very true.
No. We must set an example for this questionable crew.
There will be no consumption of alcohol of any kind.
Oh.
Oh, sir, but I can vouch for this crew myself.
You could sail to heaven
- and back with these men. - Ah.
Well, I'm afraid I must disagree with you.
- Oh. - [SCREAMING]
You wanna knock it off with the booze?
It's peelin' paint off of the shuffleboard court.
- Sorry. - Come on, girls.
You told him.
And that's that. This conversation is finished.
I understand, sir.
I shall tend to my duty and see to it
that every drop of alcohol is thrown overboard.
Come on, Jim. Don't bother Captain.
Uh, you can go if you want to, Jim.
- Come on. - Yeah.
[GASPS] Oh, well.
I guess the human beings wanna hang out together,
don't wanna spend time with a rat and a...
- Uh, uh, whatever. Huh. - Yeah. Huh.
[PLAYING MUSIC]
- Say cheese! - Cheese!
Oh, that's great. Heh.
Cute couple.
[CHUCKLING]
[LAUGHING]
Stop it!
I never felt like this before.
- RAT: Denise, what I'm trying to say... - Yes?
- What I'm trying to say is... - Yes?
- What I mean to say is, I... - Yes?
[KISSING]
I'm sorry your present didn't work out.
Oh, Jim, Smollett sails by rules and laws.
That's what bein' a captain's all about.
[INHALES] Me, I sails by the stars.
Stars?
North, Jim.
Find me north out there among them stars.
Well, that's easy.
Ah, yeah, but what if you don't have a compass?
- [LAUGHING] - Long John, please don't drop it.
It was my father's.
It's all I have of his. Please. Please.
I'm sorry, lad. I were only foolin'.
How old were you when he died, then?
Seven.
I were eight when my father died at sea.
- First mate, he was. - My father was a first mate too.
Was he, now?
By the powers. What a coincidence.
[LAUGHING]
Now, Jim.
That be Polaris, the North Star.
Even in the China Sea, that's north.
- North. Polaris. - Uh-huh.
- So we must be heading southwest. - Smart as paint you are, lad.
Smart as paint.
Now, that gets old Long John to wonderin'.
Why would we be sailin' southwest?
The scuttlebutt among the crew is that, uh,
we're sailin' for buried treasure
and, uh, someone on board
has a map.
'Course, none of my concern, Jim.
I'm just a ship's cook.
[GRUNTS]
Such matters are best suited to Captain Smollett.
He runs this ship, not I.
Come on, Long John. You could captain this ship.
That I could, lad.
Maybe someday I will.
[CHUCKLING]
[LAUGHING]
- Moonlight swim? - Okay.
[LAUGHING]
[MUSIC STOPS]
[LAUGHING]
[MISS PIGGY'S VOICE] Oh, Smolly,
my love for you is deeper than the deep, blue sea.
Hmm.
[SIGHS]
[LONG JOHN LAUGHING]
Get on with you! Go on!
[LAUGHING]
GONZO: Hi, Jim!
- Yo, Jimbo! Mornin', Long... - Hi, Long John. Good morning.
Eh.
Well, at least one of us is having a good time.
Ah, Rizzo, it's not so bad. Angel Marie said that later on,
he'd throw a line out the back and let me drag along the bottom.
[LAUGHING]
I don't know about this crew.
I feel like they're always watchin' us, just waitin' to pounce.
Ah, that's just a figment of your imagination.
- [LAUGHING] - [BOTH SCREAMING]
This is a figment of my imagination?
[GROANS]
Now, tell us where the map is
or we'll tear ya limb from limb!
- [WHIMPERS] - Never. My friend and I will never tell.
Hey, hey, there could be extenuatin' circumstances.
[STAMMERING] I mean, you know, uh... If, uh...
Maybe they'll ask real nice. [CHUCKLES]
- In your dreams! - Do it, Monty! Do it!
Yeah, do it to me!
[CHUCKLING]
- [GRUNTING] - Whoa! on! on!
Yes! Ah! More!
- Oh, no, I can't look. - Look at this!
I'm taller! This is so cool!
I may even have a future with the NBA.
[LAUGHING]
This won't work! He likes it! Let's torture the rat!
- Huh? No! No, no, no, no! - [LAUGHING] Yeah!
- No, no, no, no, no! - Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yes.
- No! No! Oh, no! - [LAUGHING] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, please, no! I hate basketball!
[SIGHS] I got a lovely recipe for blackened rat.
No!
- [PIRATES LAUGHING] - [GASPS]
Oh.
I say! This does not look safe!
[SIZZLING]
[YELLS] Whoo! Whoo!
What? What? What? What?
Oh, I... I burned my hand. Oh.
- [BLOWING] Oh, kiss it or something! - Hmm.
GONZO: [LAUGHING] Oh!
[LAUGHS] om
Poodly, Poodly, poodly, poodly, poodly.
Mr. Arrow, lock those three up for the remainder of the voyage.
- Yes, sir! - [CRYING]
You can't hold us!
- To the brig! Move along! - Will you stop crying? Will you shut up!
MR. ARROW: Move along. GONZO: Oh, good. That's good. Yeah.
Whoo!
Master Hawkins, may I see you in my cabin, please?
Yes, sir.
- Ready, Mr. Gonzo? - Ready!
- Tie off the rope, Beaker! - [SQUEAKS]
We call this the window shade cure.
[CHUCKLES]
All right. Snip, snip, snip.
Yeow! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh, great! Wow! Ha! Ah!
- Whoa! - [SQUEAKS]
Hoo-hoo!
That was so cool!
[LAUGHING]
- Hmm? - [MUFFLED SQUEAKING]
Oh, sure.
- [SQUEAKS] - [LAUGHING]
- Who's the lady pig, sir? - Never mind that, Jim. Listen.
I'm hoping you're willing to give me the map now,
considering what's just happened.
- I'd rather not, sir. - [SIGHS]
I'd hoped it wouldn't come to this, Jim, but
as captain, I order you to give me the map.
- Mr. Arrow? - Aye, aye, Captain.
- Lock up this treasure map. - Hmm.
It will be safe in here, sir.
[GULL SQUAWKS]
It's been six weeks since we left England.
Five days since we had a breeze.
[GROANS]
Oh, no. I got the madness!
I got cabin fever!
I've got it too!
Cabin fever!
I got cabin fever it's burning in my brain
I got cabin fever it's driving me insane
We got cabin fever we're ﬂipping our bandanas
Been stuck at sea so long that we have simply gone bananas
Chica chica boom chica chica boom boom chic arriba!
Chica chica boom boom chica chica boom boom chic
We, we, we got cabin fever
We lost what sense we had
We got cabin fever we're all going mad
Grab your partner by the ears
- Lash him to the wheel - Yee-haw!
Do-si-do, step on his toe listen to him squeal
- Ow-hoo-hoo-hoo! - Allemande left allemande right
it's time to sail or sink
Swing your partner over the side
Drop him in the drink [CHUCKLES]
We've got cabin fever.
- No ifs, ands or buts. - We're disoriented.
- And demented. - BOTH: And a little nuts.
[SINGING] Ach du liebe Volkswagen car
[YODELING]
[SINGING] Sauerbraten, wiener schnitzel und wunderbar
We were sailing, sailing
The wind was on our side
And then it died.
I got cabin fever. I think I lost my grip.
I'd like to get my hands on whoever wrote this script.
I was ﬂoating 'neath the tropic moon
and dreaming of a blue lagoon
Now I'm as crazy as a loon
[CHUCKLES]
Cabin fever has ravaged all aboard
This one small vessel has become a ﬂoating psycho ward
We were sailing, sailing heading who knows where
And now though we're all here
we're not all there
[ALL LAUGHING, SHOUTING]
Ooh!
ALL: Cabin fever! Ah!
- [BREEZE BLOWING] - PIRATE: Look! The wind is back!
- PIRATE 2: What are we doin'? - What's goin' on here?
- What was that? - I feel like such a fool.
- SQUIRE: Yeah, me too. - I hope nobody saw that.
Embarrassing.
- Get us outta here! Help! - We didn't hit him!
MONTY: Come on, let us out. We was only joking.
Ooh! Hey, Long John! Hey! Get us outta here!
Yeah!
- Hey, Polly. - What?
What was that song that just happened?
What are you talkin' about?
You know, uh, "Cabin fever. Ah."
- That. - You see, John?
You gotta get us outta here now! Clueless is startin' to go crackers!
Here you go.
- Your bread and water for today. - But I ordered shrimp scampi.
It's more than you deserve, ya villainous dogs!
[GASPS]
Oh, Jim.
By rights, I should be locked up too
for lettin' thieves like them aboard this ship.
Oh, it chills me.
To think that they almost killed your little friends
looking for some daft treasure map.
None of this would've happened if I'd have given Captain Smollet the...
I mean...
What, lad?
I'm not really sure I should be talking about this with you or with anyone.
You mean, you've really got a treasure map?
Not anymore. Mr. Arrow took it and locked it up in the Captain's cabin.
You must promise to keep it a secret.
Oh, don't bother your head about that. You've only told old Long John.
Now, you run along and do your chores. Go on.
[CHUCKLING]
Safely now. Safely.
[IMITATES FOGHORN]
Steady as she goes.
Oh, Mr. Silver, good evening.
- Wicked fog tonight, sir. - Hmm. Hmm.
Reminds me of the night we ran aground off the Pampas.
Half the crew drowned in leaky lifeboats.
Ah, it were a terrible shame.
- Leaky lifeboats? - Oh, a common occurrence, sir.
A little-used piece of equipment fails into disrepair
- and becomes, uh, shall we say... - Unsafe?
Oh, I'm not sayin' our lifeboats are unsafe, sir.
I'm not sayin' we got problems, uh...
Still...
Hmm. Hmm. The caulking appears tight.
No dampness under the gunwale.
This one seems seaworthy.
Oh, well, sir, they do, of course, until you get them out in the open ocean.
- Cast me off, Mr. Silver. - Oh, yes, sir.
Oh, sir, is there anything I can hold for you for safekeeping?
Your hat? Your coat? Urn...
Your keys?
Hmm? My keys!
Of course. If they were to fall overboard,
[GRUNTS] it would be disastrous.
Oh, that it would, sir.
Oh! Cast me off, Mr. Silver!
Ave, aye, sir!
Thank you, Mr. Silver.
Just doin' my duty, sir.
[CHUCKLING]
Oh, yes, John.
[ROOSTER CROWS]
MAN: Man overboard!
[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh, yes.
- Oh, uh, I'm sorry, sir. - Wha...
Mr. Arrow's gone overboard, and
all we found was his hat!
- [SOBBING] - Oh, no.
And so, my friends, the sea has claimed another loyal officer and friend.
SMOLLETT: This was a person who served...
I got it! I got it!
Shh! Okay, after you, Monty.
- No, after you. - Oh, will you just come on?
Mr. Samuel Arrow, a wonderful man who
used to get us up from our beds before dawn for a good flossing.
Okay, okay. Now, spread out and find the map.
Yeah.
May the wind be ever at your back, Samuel Arrow.
Rest in peace, my friend.
- Amen. - Amen.
- [MANIACAL LAUGHING] - Shh.
Ha-ha-ha! See? See?
Wait! Open it! Open it!
No, we gotta take it to Long John. Come on.
- Oh. - [LAUGHING]
GONZO: [SPITS] This apple has a worm in it.
RIZZO: That's not a worm. That's my tail.
Oh.
- [MUNCHING] - What's wrong?
Well, it just feels so weird.
You mean, that Mr. Arrow's dead?
Yeah, that, and my pants are filled with starfish.
You and your hobbies!
- Rizzo. - [BOTH SCREAM]
- Jim, we've missed you! Climb in! - Can't. I'm doing my chores.
- Oh, come on. Share an apple. - Yeah, come on!
Whoa! Oh!
Anyway, here's the plan.
I say we should kill that captain now.
POLLY: Then we'll get that twit of a bear!
CLUELESS: Can we make a rug out of him?
[LAUGHING]
Oh, hi, Long John.
[LAUGHTER STOPS]
I'm an easy man. A gentlemen of fortune, says most.
But it makes me sick at heart to sail with the likes of you.
Now, get this straight.
If anyone mutinies before I says so,
I'll throw you overboard like I did that scurvy mate Mr. Arrow!
I says, let the Captain steer us closer to the island.
I've got the lad's treasure map now.
When the time is ripe, we'll kill 'em all!
POLLY: That's what I said! That's what I said!
MONTY: Kill them all!
- MAN ON DECK: Land ho! - Come on, lads! Let's go!
Yea! Land ho!
[LAUGHING]
[PIRATES CHATTERING, LAUGHING]
- Oh, my goodness. - [WHIMPERING]
WALDORF: Land ho!
[LAUGHS]
Beachfront property!
Retirement estates!
- Bikinis! - Bikinis!
Throw the mainsail! Drop anchor!
Bring her up hard of starboard, helmsman.
Prepare to lower the longboats.
[CHATTERING, SHOUTING]
Bring those barrels over here, lads!
Helmsman, give a hand with the longboats.
- Captain, may I speak with you? - I'm sorta busy, Jim.
But, Captain, we just heard. Long John is planning a mutiny,
and he's got the treasure map.
- Yeah. - I see.
- Mr. Silver? - Aye, aye, Cap'n!
Mr. Silver, I want you to take the crew ashore at once.
We need water and provisions. Take as long as you want.
[CHEERING]
Sir!
'Tis a task to my liking, sir. That it is!
Quickly, boys. Gather the officers and meet me in my quarters.
- Quickly. - Yes, sir.
This is a lucky break. Captain lettin' us go ashore.
Us with the map and all.
It's like giving the treasure to us on a silver platter.
Aye, that it is, Polly. Never trust a silver platter.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
Jim, lad!
There's room in the boat for one more. Come along for an adventure.
I can't. The Captain wants me.
Oh, what a shame! I'll miss you, lad. That I will.
Uh, Jim! I seem to have left my crutch on board.
Hand it to me like a good lad, will ya?
There's a good boy.
Ah, it'll be a bit closer than that. I can't reach it from there.
"Ch!
Cast away, men! Be quick now!
Go, go, go!
[LAUGHING]
The plan is simple. Once the pirates are ashore,
we set sail and return in a year or so.
By then, all the fight should be out of 'em.
Oh, now I understand. That's a brilliant plan.
- Except for one thing. - What's that?
The pirates have Jim!
I'm tired!
- You're what? - I'm getting tired!
- He says go faster. - I'm getting tired!
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
[LAUGHTER, SHOUTING]
Hey, man! I can't figure out what side we're on.
Are we with the pirates or the frog captain?
Oh, hey, man, just play the gig-
Never get involved in politics.
Politics! Politics!
LONG JOHN: Jim, lad!
[LAUGHTER]
Easy, Jim. 'Tis all in good fun.
Pleased I am to initiate you into our enterprising, um... Company.
[LAUGHTER]
Which entitles you to all the benefits thereof.
I don't want any benefits.
This is a one-time special offer, Jim, lad.
Say no and I will be forced to terminate our relationship.
You're nothing but murdering pirates.
- Pirates! - [GASPS]
[LAUGHING]
Pirates. Oh, Jim.
If that's what you're thinking,
you're dead wrong.
When I was just a lad
Looking for my true vocation
My father said now, son, this choice
deserves deliberation
Though you could be a doctor
Or perhaps a financier
My boy, why not consider a more challenging career
Hey, ho, ho
You'll cruise to foreign shores
Sing it, lads!
And you'll keep your mind and body sound by working out of doors
True friendship and adventure are what we can't live without
And when you're a professional pirate
that's what the job's about
Upstage, lads! This is my only number.
Now take Sir Francis Drake the Spanish all despise him
but to the British he's a hero and they idolize him
It's how you look at buccaneers
that makes them bad or good
And I see us as members of a noble brotherhood
- Hup! - Hey, ho, ho
Oh, I love it! 'Tis poetry in motion.
We're honorable men
and before we lose our tempers we will always count to ten
On occasion there may be someone you have to execute
But when you're a professional pirate
you don't have to wear a suit
What?
I could have been a surgeon I like taking things apart
I could have been a lawyer but I just had too much heart
I could have been in politics
'cause I've always been a big spender
And me, I could have been a contender
[LAUGHTER]
Some say that pirates steal
and should be feared and hated
I say we're victims of bad press
It's all exaggerated
We'd never stab you in the back
We'd never lie or cheat
We're just about the nicest guys
you'd ever want to meet
- Well, look at us, Jim. - [HUMMING]
We're a festival of conviviality.
[LAUGHTER]
Congeniality.
- That's conviviality, stupid. - That's what I said.
We're ready, o capitan.
Good. You men guard the ship while I'm gone.
We'll be back as soon as we get Jim.
- Aye, aye, Captain. - Cast off, Mr. Beaker.
Thanks for coming along, men.
Are you kidding? Jim is family.
Yeah.
Tell the truth, lad.
Do you really think the Captain and the Squire
are planning to share the treasure with the likes of us?
Can't hear ya. No?
And we being the rightful owners.
Flint's own crew, who shed our blood getting it here!
Join us, lad.
Donate your compass to the treasure hunt and get a full share!
Hey, ho, ho it's one for all for one
And we'll share and share alike with you
and love you like a son
We're gentlemen of fortune
and that's what we're proud to be
And when you're a professional pirate
You'll be honest brave and free
The soul of decency
You'll be loyal and fair and on the square
And most importantly
When you're a professional pirate
You're always in the best
of company
[CANNON BLAST]
Down!
There! Captain Smollett coming to rescue me.
Don't get your hopes up, laddie.
I've taken the liberty of hiding a few of my best men aboard.
If a second round follows,
it means they've taken over the Hispaniola,
and I'm the new cap'n.
[LAUGHTER]
Now, then.
- [CANNON BLAST] - [CHEERING]
[GRUNTING, GROANING]
How infortuitous our firearms weren't loaded, Beakie.
I'll say. We might have shot somebody.
[SIGHS]
I'm the only friend you've got in the world now, Jim.
Let's dig up the treasure together, eh?
Shipmates, remember?
We'll be needing your compass, though.
No.
I'll be taking it either way, Jim.
- Ha! - [CHEERING]
Come on then, lad. Let's not waste time.
- [PANTING] - Well, it's too dark to do anything now.
We'll camp here and wait for first light.
[WHIMPERING]
Oh, hey, Rizzo, relax! Don't be so afraid.
Oh, I've gone way beyond afraid.
Right now I'm somewhere between
bed-wetting and a near-death experience.
[CHUCKLING]
Good night, boys.
- Well, good night. - Right.
- 'Night, Rizzo. - Yeah, sure.
[WHIMPERING CONTINUES]
[GROWLING, GRUNTING]
Gonzo? Is that you, Gonzo?
Boy, Gonzo, it sounds like you're coming down with a little cold there.
[STAMMERING] I'm just gonna light a match if you don't mind, here.
[SCREAMING]
PIRATE: Long John, look!
Flint hung 'em up there after he gullied 'em
to mark the trail to the treasure.
[GROANING]
Wicked sense of humor ol' Flinty had.
- It's a sign. This is a cursed place. - Yeah!
Well, there's an informed opinion.
All right, Jim, lad, where to from here?
"On a heading of 179 degrees,
"walk 312 paces from where the dead men hang high."
[GROANING]
That way!
- You're gonna go? You're gonna... - Come on!
Howdy, vous, stinky froggy man and friends.
I am Spa'am, high priest of the boars.
You mucho wickedness go trespass on island.
Now you suffer the wrath of our queen,
Boom Sha-kal-a-kal.
Terrific. Captured by wild pigs and sacrificed before a pagan altar.
- Are we lucky or what? - Silence, smelly sailor mans!
You have violated sacred island.
Uh-uh, excuse me. I am Captain Smollett.
We mean no harm to your culture.
We embrace all creatures of different nationalities.
- Silence! - [GASPS]
Bring forth Boom Sha-kal-a-kal.
That can't be good.
Boom sha-kal-a-kal Boom sha-kal-a-kal
[CHANTING CONTINUES]
These tropical floor shows are so exotic.
Yeah, and the food is to die for.
[CHANTING CONTINUES]
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETING]
[TRUMPETING]
Boom sha-kal-a-ka/
Bonsoir, mes amis.
[ems-ems]
- [GASPS] - Come, Flaubert.
[SCREAMS, GRUNTING]
[YELLING, GROANING]
[SIGHING]
Flaubert! Get away, you stupid anteater! You spoiled my entrance.
Boom sha-kal-a-kal Boom sha-kal-a-kal
- Oh, knock it off! - Oh.
[GIGGLING]
Greetings. Moi am Benjamina Gunn.
Maroonee, temptress and queen of this...
[GASPS]
[SIGHING]
Smolly, can it be you?
Benjamina.
- Hi-yah! - [SCREAMING]
[GONG] - [CHEERING]
Oh, uh, old girlfriend.
[WHIMPERS]
Tie 'em back in their stakes!
...306, 307, 308, 309,
310, 311, 312.
PIRATE: This is it.
What if Clueless is right?
[STAMMERING] What if it is cursed?
- I'll show you what I think of your curse. - [GRUNTS]
You mewling little lily-livered,
toffee-hearted little wuss of a crustacean!
"Treasure buried here."
[CHATTERING]
Oy, we don't even have to dig it up!
Come on, mates! The treasure's ours!
[CHEERING, SHOUTING]
[MURMURING]
There's no treasure, Silver! You brought us here for nothing.
And now we'll be tried for mutiny!
Yeah!
I say... We should kill him!
[SHOUTING]
Run, lad! Save yourself!
- Why are you doing this for me? - Because I like you, boy.
I hope you didn't think I was lying about that.
- [SHOUTING] - Run!
Take greeny, flippy, bulgy-eyed one away.
Others stay. Chop chop!
[MUTTERING]
Hey, wait! Where are you taking him?
[HUMMING]
Hmm. Take the mousie, then skewer the mousie!
Well, how else do you think we were gonna get him in this movie?
Yeah.
- [LAUGHING] - [MUTTERING]
I wish we were back at the Admiral Benbow eating table scraps.
[LAUGHS] We're about to become table scraps.
Well, this is terrible! This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
Wait a second! I've been cut loose!
- Hiya, guys. - [SHRIEKS]
Jim, they've got Captain Smollett.
I know. Come on. We've got to get help.
Oh, okay. Where will we go?
[MUD BUNNY CRYING]
Tom, Tom, Tom!
Oh!
Dead Tom's dead!
[CRYING]
Long John shot him!
[SOBBING]
But Dead Tom's always been dead.
That's why he's called Dead Tom.
Oh.
Can we get on with this? Get outta here, will ya?
- Clueless! - Yeah, yeah?
- Give it to him! - Yeah!
But, uh, it's not even his birthday.
No, no, no, no! The paper!
Oh.
[CHUCKLES]
This is for you.
- The black spot? - Yeah.
You dare to give me the black spot?
- [STAMMERING] He told me to. - Shut up, will ya?
And it's drawn on a page from the Bible.
You tore a page from the holy scriptures
to make a pirate's death sentence?
Uh, here.
Oh, the red hot gates of hell
are creeping open!
Satan is heating his pokers for you,
you blasphemous heathens!
- [WHIMPERING] - Fall down on your knees
and beg for deliverance from damnation!
- Please forgive us. - Please forgive me.
Very good. You're forgiven.
- Oh, thank you. - Now untie me!
[MUTTERING]
And let's go find the treasure!
Oh, you are a good man.
You are a kind man. A handsome man.
- Precious. - Oh, he's... You're precious and...
- Beautiful. - And he's beautiful. Oh.
Yeah, here's the boat. Oh, no!
Well, that won't help us. We're gonna have to swim to the ship.
Hello! Earth to Jimbo.
Swimming to a ship that's full of killer pirates
to save the Captain is not a good plan.
Look!
Yes. The gunwale and keel are definitely safe.
- Mr. Arrow! It's me! Jim! - Mr. Arrow!
Mr. Arrow, over here!
Oh. Oh, boys. Come join me
aboard this exceptionally safe little boat.
Hmm.
By the way, that Silver fellow may not be trustworthy.
- [CHUCKLES] Now he tells us! - Yeah.
And here's a photo opportunity you will not want to miss.
The actual jungle location for the movie Muppet Treasure Island.
- Oh, my goodness! - Keep up, people.
Hey, when do we eat? My feet are killing me.
Of all the backwater, no-class piles of sand in the ocean,
you had to wash up on mine.
Benjamina, I just want you to know that I'm sorry.
Sorry? No, no, sorry doesn't cut it.
You left me standing at the altar!
I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.
You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet.
My mother came all the way from France.
I was wearing her white lace dress.
The cake was filled with lemon custard!
[WHIMPERING]
Mina, fate has brought us together again.
Well, actually, buried treasure and pirates brought us together...
Don't you start with me about pirates!
After you jilted me, I took up with this Bernie Flint.
- The man was totally codependent. - You and Captain Flint?
Well, he was a pirate, I was a lady. You know the story.
- [WHIMPERING] - Smolly? He marooned me.
Me!
[SOBBING]
Oh. Oh. Oh.
This is all my fault. Oh, what have I done to you?
Mushy-mushy! Oh. Lovey-dovey!
[LAUGHTER]
Bravo, Cap'n.
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
Touchin' reunion, Benjamina.
This seems to be your day for renewing old...
[INHALES] Acquaintances.
Oh, well...
[CLEARS THROAT] Hello, Long John.
- Oh, no! Him too? - Well, if you'd married me.
What does that have to do with it?
I'm a pig! I need commitment!
Now, I'm not gonna be really patient about this, Benjamina.
Where is the treasure?
Um, I just may not tell you.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, don't play games with me, lass.
I tell you, I'm not a patient man.
- [GASPS] - Stop! Give up now,
weak and tiny pirate mans,
or die like stinking dogs.
[SHOUTING, GRUNTING]
Hmm, we see you have boom-boom sticks.
Bye-bye.
[SHOUTING, WHIMPERING]
Oh, brother!
- Now, Benjamina. - What?
Where's the treasure?
There is no treasure. it was all a clever ruse.
[CHUCKLES] Ha!
So where did you get that gold necklace you're wearing?
The one made of Spanish doubloons.
PIRATE: Aye.
Urn...
Shopping channel?
[LAUGHTER]
- No!
[CHATTERING]
Shh.
- Shh. - Shh.
[GASPS] Fiddle!
Make yourself useful. Try and save us. Do something!
Shh!
Oh, Master Hawkins, you've come to rescue us.
I should've let him live in my finger.
We're ready, Master Hawkins.
Do you think this will work, Dr. Livesey?
Oh, yes! My research indicates that pirates are very superstitious.
Boogie, boogie, boogie!
I am the ghost of Samuel Arrow.
- Boogie! - [GASPS, WHIMPERING]
[SCREAMING]
JIM: Come on, we've got to save the Captain!
Fantastic, Mr. Arrow. That was beautiful.
What do we do next? What do we do now? Uh, Jim?
- Weigh anchor? - Weigh anchor, okay.
- Set the sails. - Set the sails!
And you, Squire Trelawney.
[STAMMERING] Now, Master Hawkins, I...
You take the helm.
Ah!
Step aside, Mr. Bimbo. I shall be taking the helm.
Hurry, Rizzo!
[GRUNTING]
I'm going as fast as I can.
- [GROANS] - Smolly, my love!
Oh, oh!
[GROANING]
Smolly!
[SNIFFS]
You can't hurt my frog!
Don't tell him anything, Mina. Uh, I beg you!
He'll only kill you too. Don't listen to him!
- Now. .. - [GASPS]
- [WHIMPERING] - For the last time,
where's the bloody treasure?
[PIRATES YELLING]
Ha!
Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop! The treasure's at my place.
North trail, split-level hut with the pink lawn furniture. You can't miss it.
Now free him at once, you scoundrel!
- [KISSING] - [SPITTING]
[LAUGHTER]
You know, I'm beginning to see a pattern in the men I date.
Yeah, well, the past is behind us.
And the future... Below us.
[WHIMPERING]
Oh, it's okay, Mina. We're together again.
Yes, despite it all
[SNIFFS] we have each other.
Oh, don't cry for me, Benjamina.
Pardon?
Was I dumb or was I blind
Or did my heart just lose its mind
Why'd I go and throw
our perfect dream away
Looking back I'll never know
How I ever let you go
But destiny could see we deserved
to have another day
Love led us here
Right back to where we belong
We followed a star and here we are
Now heaven seems so near
Love led us here
Now I know that life can take you by surprise
And sweep you off your feet
Did this happen to us
Or are we just dreaming
Love led us here
Right back to where we belong
We followed a star and here we are
Now heaven seems so near
Love led us here
So take my hand
And have no fear
We'll be all right
Love led us
here
[SCREAMING]
Oh, Smolly. You saved me.
[STRAINING]
Come on, men! It's back to blighty now, lads!
The treasure's all ours!
[CHATTERING, SHOUTING]
Hurry. Come on. Get in the boat.
Long John! Long John! Look! The ship!
BLACK-EYED PEA: What are they doing?
MUD BUNNY: There's no one on board.
It's coming straight for us!
[STAMMERING] It's the ghost of Captain Flinty.
He's coming to kill us.
[SCREAMING]
Come back, you cowards!
Hawkins.
Look. It's the Captain and the pig.
Oh, no!
[WHIMPERS]
Head for those cliffs.
- Head for the cliffs, Squire. - Aye, aye! Oh!
Oh, Beakie, Beakie. Look, look!
I think we're going to need a net.
- Come along. - [WHIMPERING]
Get back there, you yellow-bellied bilge rats!
I'm not losing that treasure now! Get out!
We're lowering the net now.
All right, let's go. Okay. That's it. Beautiful. Beautiful.
We're coming, Captain Smollett!
[BENJAMINA WHIMPERING]
- Steady! Steady! - Careful!
[WHIMPERING]
Au revoir, mon capitaine.
- [SCREAMING] - We got him!
- [CHEERING] - Yes!
[GRUNTS]
- Ah! - Oh, no!
[GASPS, WHIMPERS]
Waldorf, you old fool! We're heroes!
We saved the pig and the frog.
Well, it was too late to save the movie.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Welcome aboard, Captain Smollett.
And welcome to your lady pig friend.
[SCREAMS] Look out!
[SCREAMING]
[GROANING, SPITTING]
The Captain must have his sword.
Whoa!
GONZO: Wow!
[YELLING]
Captain!
[YELLING]
Fight, you idiots!
[GRUNTING]
Captain!
Here!
[GRUNTS]
All right! No more Ms. Nice Guy!
No one maroons me and gets away with it!
[GRUNTING]
[GROANING]
- Good to see you alive, Mr. Arrow. - Thank you, Captain.
Geronimo!
Oh, what am I gonna do?
- Come on! - Come on, you!
Oh, sorry.
- En garde! - Ah !
Mi casa es su casa.
Ah, I make cheese out of you. Come on!
[KARATE YELLS]
[GRUNTS]
Cucaracha.
Ha!
- [SNICKERS] - Ah!
Come on, Jerry! He's just a kid!
[GRUNTING, LAUGHING]
Oh!
Okay, okay, Okay!
Okay, I give... Uncle. Uh, I'm dead.
[GRUNTING]
Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Bimbo, help!
[GRUNTING, SHOUTING]
[GROANING]
Am I dead?
[CHUCKLES]
Wonderful!
[WHIMPERS, GASPS]
Mr. Bimbo! That was some amazing swordplay!
[GRUNTING]
Take that!
Watch out, Mr. Arrow!
- [GRUNTS] - [GROANING]
Uh, well, thank you. But aren't you supposed to be fighting against us?
Are you kiddin'? I love you guys!
Hmm.
[LAUGHS]
Cowabunga!
[GRUNTS]
[PANTING] Come on. Fight. Where are you?
Oh!
Hmm.
[GRUNTING]
[KISSING]
And as for you!
[WHIMPERS]
Silver!
Hmm, hmm.
Ha!
[YELLING]
Ha! Ha!
[CHUCKLES]
Why don't you pick on somebody your own size, huh?
[LAUGHING]
[GRUNTING CONTINUES]
Ah! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Wow!
BENJAMINA: Yes! Yes! Smolly! Yes!
[GRUNTING CONTINUES]
SMOLLETT: Ha! BENJAMINA: Yes!
Ha-ha, Silver!
[HUMMING]
Ha-ha, ho-ho!
Not bad for an amphibian.
[CHEERING IN UNISON] Smolly, Smolly, he's our man!
If he can't do it, no one can!
[HUMMING]
- Excuse me. - Pardon? Whoops.
[GASPS]
Oh!
[GRUNTS]
[CLEARS THROAT] Uh... Uh...
Uh... I'm a frog.
You know, slippery hands.
[CHUCKLING]
You know, I never really believed that violence solved anything anyway.
Really? Allow me to disagree, Cap'n.
[WHIMPERS]
Kill Captain Smollett, and you'll have to kill me.
Kill Jim, and you'll have to kill me.
Kill Gonzo, and you'll have to kill me.
Kill Squire Trelawney and Mr. Bimbo,
and you'll have to... Negotiate strenuously.
Going somewhere, John-John?
[MURMURING]
Well, Mr. Hawkins, it seems your little family
has come together against me.
[SNICKERING]
We're doomed.
Well, you know, I, for one, feel better about myself.
Yeah. And I believe that I have learned a valuable lesson.
- Why, you! - shut up!
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
CLUELESS: Okay, I said something wrong!
[KEYS RATTLING]
[THUD, SPLASH]
Silver!
I suppose you'll be blowing the whistle on me now, won't you, Jim?
I suppose I will. You have to return to Bristol to stand trial.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, I'm sorry, Jim. I got a terrible fear of hanging.
We're shipmates, aren't we, Jim?
Gentlemen of fortune, together.
Give us one more chance.
Oh, hell, Jim. I could never harm you.
You're honest and brave and true.
You didn't learn that from me.
I learned it from my friends, Mr. Silver.
Now take your oars and row away. I never want to see you again, ever.
Oh, Jim!
'Tis a shame, really.
We'd have made a great team, Jim.
Well done, Jim. Your father would be proud.
Captain Smollett, I have most distressing news.
One of the jolly boats is missing,
and I know for a fact that it was terribly unsafe.
Ah!
[SHOUTING, LAUGHING]
This is not fun.
Flaubert, meet Da-Da.
- Ready to sail, sir. - Hmm.
Where to, Captain Hawkins?
To wherever the wind may take us.
Off to Zanzibar, to meet the Zanzibarbarians.
Oh, brother. Here they go again.
[LAUGHTER]
[STEEL DRUMS MUSIC PLAYING]
Love power
A little love power
Stronger than the hurricane
And softer than the summer rain
- Love power - What kind of power
A little love power
it can lift you up Lift you up when you get low
And make your life bright as the rainbow
Whoa
There ain't no sun in the morning sky
Breeze ain't blowing and the bird don't ﬂy
Then someone kind reaches out a hand
And smiles a warm sweet smile
And then your heart come to understand
What make the world spin
Where do magic begin
Someone to believe in
Feel so good when everybody feels
Love power There's no higher power
- A little love power - Nothing in the world
Stronger than the hurricane
And softer than the summer rain
Oh, love power
- Everybody feel it -A little love power
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Lift you up when you get low
And make your life bright as the rainbow
Whoa
So many people, they feel so bad
Yeah, they make the money but they still so sad
Nobody told them that it ain't that stuff
That makes life worthwhile
'Cause even if you've got enough
You got less than nothing 'Til you know for certain
Enough to put your faith in
It feels so good when everybody feels
- Love power - People, can you feel it
A little love power
Lift you up when you get low
And make your life bright as the rainbow
Let me tell you now
Whoa
Feel the inspiration
- Hey - Don't it feel like heaven
It make the soul and the spirit strong
When everybody come and every single one
they hear the song now
Oh, love power
A little love power
Stronger than the hurricane
And softer than the summer rain
- Can you feel it, oh? - Love power
- What kind of power - A little love power
It can lift you up
Lift you up when you get low
And make your life bright as the rainbow
Lift you up when you get low
And make your life bright as the rainbow
So, Johnny. May I call you Johnny?
Stop me if you've heard this one.
Why does the ocean roar?
Give up?
You would, too, if you had crabs on your bottom...
And oysters in your bed.
[LAUGHS]
Get it? Oysters? Bed?
Ooh, I love that one.
I'm tellin' ya, I got a million more just like that.
Was I dumb
Or was I blind
Or did my heart just lose its mind
Why'd I go and throw
our perfect dream away
Looking back
I'll never know
How I ever let you go
But destiny could see we deserve
to have another day
Love led us here
Right back to where we belong
We followed a star and here we are
Now heaven seems so near
Love led us here
Ooh
I confess
-it's sad but true - Sad but true
I lost myself when I lost you
But I held your memory
through each lonely night
Oh, let's forget
- What's gone before - What's gone
- Now we both know so much more - So much more
And we've been given another chance
to make it work out right
Make it work
Love led us here
Right back to where we belong
We followed a star and here we are
Now heaven seems so near
Love led us here
Now I know that life can take you by surprise
And sweep you off your feet
Did this happen to us
Or are we just dreamin'?
Dreamin '
We followed a star and here we are
Now heaven seems so near
Love led us here
So take my hand
And have no fear
We'll be all right
Love led us here